Last week I helped my friend stay put.I don't know what I was trying to pull off there. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. Before I realized he likes cherries just. I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there." This is what my friend said to me he said "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like, "Dude.My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough." Something like two two two two two two two. I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember.I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."
You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. I am not addicted to gambling although I am addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here.oh, wait it's at home.in the file.under 'D', for doughnut." I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Just For Laughs gala, Hedberg's final Just For Laughs performance (2004). If I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag 'em up!" The clerk said, "Do you want me to put them in a bag?" I said, "Oh no, man, I juggle. I went to the store and bought eight apples. Whenever I play for a dumb crowd, I say, "You got a lot of shit on your head!" cranium accessories!" (laughter) See, this is a smart crowd. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. Comedy Central Presents, S01E06: Mitch Hedberg (5 January 1999). I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I don't know if you have a door on your side, but over here there's nothin'. So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down, and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music. 1.5 Just For Laughs: On The Edge - 2002.
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